Jealousy, Denial, and Cigarettes
by jehsicka
Summary: Gokudera saw no importance or appeal in having a significant other. "It's simply a nuisance," he thought. A brunette, honest conversations, and a few mugs of coffee can change someone's mind. Written for the 'Song Shuffle' challenge. Each chapter is inspired by a different random song. GokuHaru/5986. R&R please. In-progress. Cover by TsubasaNoUmi on DeviantArt.
1. 1) We Found Love — Rihanna

**A/N:** It's been a while since I've written anything. I have the most amazing writer's block, so I ended up consulting the 'Kateyo Hitman Reborn Writing Challenges' forum, despite the fact that it's inactive, just to get some ideas. I decided to try the 'Song Shuffle' challenge, where essentially you have to set your music player to shuffle, and keep note of the first ten songs that show up. You have to write one chapter per song. (Yes, this will not be a oneshot! This story will be TEN CHAPTERS long!)

Thus, here's the first chapter for my first GokuHaru/5986 story for the 'Song Shuffle' challenge. Enjoy. This first chapter was inspired by the first song on my list: 'We Found Love' by Rihanna ft. Calvin Harris.

**Kateyo Hitman Reborn!, any/all of its characters, and the song 'We Found Love' are most definitely not mine.**

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Gokudera was a man who sought for life's purpose. Despite the fact that he was supremely intelligent having knowledge that far surpasses the average individual, he viewed life to have little value and virtually felt he had nothing to live for. He was more than willing to sacrifice his life for what he deemed to have enough significance, such as the mafia, the current Vongola boss, and his Family. He was one to have few to no desires, wanting to simply become the best right-hand man for Sawada Tsunayoshi and essentially nothing more. He did not desire to pursue any sort of future as a pianist, despite his amount of potential, as it reminded him of his late mother. Coming from a wealthy family and being a valuable member of the mafia, money was not an issue. A significant other was never something he desired either, he thought of the idea to be pointless, and frankly, a nuisance. He never understood that form of love, and what its 'appeal' was. He could easily solve any other problem or question that stood in his way with his clear mind and logical conclusions, except the concept of love. He felt that being in a romantic relationship clearly gives you more to worry about; things he felt he would prefer not to deal with at any point in time.

Despite his thoughts on the subject, he couldn't help but feel happy for his boss, whom of which was newly married to the tenth-generation Sun Guardian's sister: Sasagawa Kyoko. Despite the uproar of the Kyoko's extremely proud and surprisingly emotional lawn-head of a brother, their wedding continued without any real issues. The smile on Tsuna's face that appeared whenever he looked at his beloved bride was enough to ensure Gokudera that he was genuinely happy. But something felt odd. Was he… jealous? No, that couldn't be it. He felt nothing special for Sasagawa Kyoko; it wasn't that she wasn't attractive, but rather that she had always viewed her somewhat as a 'side character'. She had not done anything that he ever viewed as significant or compulsory. She was one who merely knew about the mafia, but only played a supporting role. But there was something about the way she brought coffee to Tsuna when he spent late nights at the office, and the way he took occasional vacation days to simply spend time with his wife. As much as he refused to admit it to himself, he was envious of his own boss, his happiness, and the kind of relationship he shared with Kyoko. It must be nice hearing someone say 'I love you' to the person you really are, to have someone to hug and hold during those lonely nights, and to know that you had support in what you did and the decisions you made. The Guardian of Storm placed a cigarette in between his lips and hovered his lighter over the opposite end. The bomber exhaled smoke as he took the stick out with two of his fingers. _I don't need a significant other_. He told himself, in his own way of 'shrugging it off'. He was a lone wolf, and he had grown accustomed to the feeling of loneliness.

He wasn't looking for love. Certainly not. But even if he was, there was no one who knew of that mafia that he could come close to having a unique interest in. If he were to develop feelings in an ordinary person, he would be dragging another ordinary individual into danger, which would further burden his boss. This left him with few 'choices', per say. Turf-top's sister was married; clearly not an option. Chrome Dokuro, although admittedly adorable in Gokudera's perspective, was that and only that. She didn't seem to have any distinct qualities, or anything that made her stand out in any sort of way. Gokudera viewed Lal Mirch simply as a tutor, and well, a woman who must have secretly emerged from hell— absolutely no attraction there; fear, if anything. Besides, it would appear that she had some history and chemistry with Colonello, but Gokudera wouldn't pry into business that wasn't his. Essentially the only woman left who already had knowledge of the mafia was Miura Haru, who he frankly wasn't on the greatest terms with. The two of them bickered constantly over irrelevant things due to their equal tempers, and he somewhat viewed her as an airhead despite the fact that she did attended Midori Middle School and various other elite schools as the years passed by. However, their current relationship and his opinion of her were not issues. If there were any 'issues' when it came to what they could become (of course, he was thinking hypothetically here, because they would never actually become anything more than friends), it was her, and who she felt feelings for. Miura Haru was completely and utterly in love with the tenth generation Vongola boss. But the Storm Guardian ignored this fact… it's not like he held feelings for her anyway; he was simply thinking about the situation if say, he did (but he didn't). And he didn't need a significant other. Significant others held no significance to him.

Gokudera tied his hair up into a ponytail and put on his glasses. He had a desk top full of paperwork that was begging for his completion; he was going to be at the office building that night for a long time. Tsuna entered his office that evening before he left, stating that he could do the paperwork the following day, but naturally his guardian refused so that he wouldn't have anything to worry about the next morning. His boss simply sighed and took his leave. About an three hours later, around eleven in the evening (generally when everyone should have left the Vongola office building), a particular brunette knocked on Gokudera's office door. She received no answer, thus let herself in. And there the Storm Guardian was, concentrated on his work and did not even give any acknowledgement to her presence. Unaffected, she placed a warm mug of coffee on his desk. It's aroma reached his nostrils, and he looked up at her, surprised to see someone at work this late… and in his room.

"What is this for?" The bomber asked in a stern tone.

"Tsuna-kun personally asked Haru to make you coffee. He feels that you'll be here late, and that you could use some company desu." She smiled at him. He blinked once in confusion, but replied with his usual blank facial expression.

"Thank you. You don't have to stay here, it's getting late. I do appreciate the coffee though." It seemed as if they bicker more than actually socialize whenever they see each other. He didn't want to start an argument in every conversation they had.

"It's alright desu. Haru doesn't have any company at her apartment anyway." The suffix of –desu at the end of almost all of her sentences would take some getting used to, but Gokudera didn't want to refuse the offer of company. Those nights of paperwork were actually quite lonely, and having someone else to stay the office with him during late nights was quite delightful. Haru continued to bring coffee to him night after night, as the paperwork began to stack in higher and higher piles. Yamamoto's papers had been pushed onto him because the rain guardian had been taking days off due to a baseball injury, and Ryohei had begged him to do his because they were "extremely boring and complicated". The nights grew longer, and Haru ended up staying with him longer even if it meant sleeping on the red Italian loveseat in his office. Their conversations started out small and generally awkward, but eventually turned into complete discussions, whereas the two of them actually felt comfortable enough to tell each other about their good and bad days, their personal thoughts, and even a few secrets.

Gokudera ended up telling her about his past: about the lady who he didn't even know was his mother until she had passed away, how he ran away from his household at a young age, the reason behind the random sickness he feels whenever he sees his sister, and even explained the strategy behind his very own Sistema C.A.I. Haru, in turn, also told him things that neither of them ever thought she would. She explained her concern for everyone, and how she felt she'd never be able to get used to the usual dangers of the mafia. She told him her opinions on Tsuna's marriage, and how although she was happy for them, she was indeed jealous. Gokudera's turned his office chair in her direction at this statement. He tried to keep his usual serious image in front of her; he tried not to show such evident emotions. For some reason he didn't want to look soft in front of her.

"Haru isn't jealous for the reason you think, desu. Haru doesn't love Tsuna anymore. Haru can't love someone who is in love with someone else, especially if that person is her best friend." There was a seriousness in her tone that he wasn't used to.

"Then why are you jealous?" He then pursed his lips in curiosity.

"I'm jealous of their happiness, desu. I've always wondered what it feels like to be loved." There was something in her tone, and something in the expression on her face that made her feel like another person. He noticed that she didn't refer to herself in third person like she usually did. It was odd. She was odd. The whole situation was odd. Who knew that one day, he could actually have a conversation with Haru that didn't conclude in random bickering. He never really understood why they previously didn't get along very well in the first place. He had always thought of her as a beautiful person, both inside and out, it's just that the third-person thing could get annoying. Regardless, it was in that moment that he felt as though he'd found someone, even though it was Miura Haru, who could somewhat relate to his judgment on love. Knowing that he wasn't the only one who felt somewhat lonely and envious— just a little bit— of those in love, gave him a sense of comfort. The world suddenly didn't feel as empty as it did, and he didn't feel so lonely. He felt oddly warm, in his face for the most part, and an odd sensation fell upon him. He didn't understand what it was, but assumed it was fever from lack of sleep and late nights.

Their eyes connected for the first time, and his heartbeat seemed to pound even louder in his head. _What was it about this woman that made him feel so alive?_


	2. 2) It Will Rain — Bruno Mars

**A/N:** Finally, the second chapter for this fan fiction. For some reason it me took longer than usual for my writing 'magic' to work, but regardless, it's finally here. So this here is the second chapter of this story for 'Song Shuffle' challenge. In short, I put my iTunes on shuffle, a d listed the first ten songs that came up. This story will have ten chapters, and each chapter will be based on its corresponding song. The song for this chapter is 'It Will Rain' by Bruno Mars. I personally don't think this chapter embodies the song very well or anything, but this is the idea I got when I listened to it when writing.

**I'm not sure if I'm entirely satisfied with this chapter yet, I _might_ make a few more changes. ****Oh, and I've edited the first chapter a little bit, so I recommend reading it again just to jog your memory a little bit in case you've forgotten what's happened. **I hope you guys enjoy this chapter and this story so far! I would mean so much if you could please read and review!

**I do not claim Kateyo Hitman Reborn!, any/all of its characters, and the song 'It Will Rain' to be mine, as they most certainly are not. I wrote this fan fiction and it is the only thing that I claim as mine.**

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"Haru," he smiled. "Please, take a seat." The tenth generation Vongola boss gestured to the finely carved, delicate wooden chair that was placed in front of his desk for his interviewees, and those he had to make agreements and such with. The brunette nodded in silence and closed the office door behind her. She sat in the chair's red velvet seat. It was soft and comfortable, and she liked how the wooden rest felt against her back, but she still greatly preferred the big Italian loveseat in the office of Tsuna's Storm Guardian. Perhaps it was the loveseat's size, or the fact that she simply had the company of someone she could relate with while she sat there, but regardless she liked it more.

Although Tsuna's appearance clearly changed over the past ten years— a more defined jawline, longer hair, a calmer look in his eyes and a more relaxed, mature aura that emanated from his presence— you could see he never really changed on the inside. He still had a big heart, cared for everyone (even his enemies), and had a tolerance greater than his own power. He looked at her reassuringly, a look that promised her that she wasn't entangled in any sort of problem, which calmed her nerves a little bit. She didn't have any idea why she was called into his office. She wasn't a guardian; heck, she didn't have a box weapon or even know what her 'dying will flame' type was, so there shouldn't have been any reason for Tsuna to call her into his office to speak to her privately. But there she was anyway, and there was something about not knowing why she was there coupled with the fact that they were in his room alone together that made her heart pound a little faster than normal.

Tsuna spoke again. "Haru, firstly I'd like to thank you for your assistance since the beginning. Ten years ago," he looked at an old photograph of the entire group that sat on his desk; it was taken back when they were in middle school. "You were there for me and this Family, even when you weren't aware yet that we were associated with the Mafia, and you still stand here in front of me today proudly continuing to offer anything and everything you can to help. As often as I thank you, I've never… said it to you formally, or properly, to show my gratitude for what you've done. I've simply told you a rushed "thank you" because of the circumstances and the potential danger that could occur at any moment." The two of them both knew that he was referring to when they travelled to the time they were in now, but were around the ages of fourteen; when they were given the massive responsibility to save Namimori (and essentially the world) from Byakuran.

"But now that the more difficult times are behind us, it would seem that I don't have a reason to rush anymore. So thank you very much Haru. Outsiders may think or believe that you're simply one on the sidelines, but you, alongside your best friend and my wife Kyoko, have done more than we could have ever asked for. I don't think it'd be an exaggeration to say that we would have never been able to do anything we've done thus far without you. We wouldn't be this kind of Family without you. You play a part here. You're important, Haru. Thank you for everything."

Haru felt the color rise to her cheeks a little. The boss of the most powerful Mafia family in Italy, one of her closest friends, her former crush, was thanking her. She was stunned, and didn't know how to react; when she tried to reply it would come out in jumbled nonsense mixed with a bunch of 'uhhs'. But she eventually was able to collect herself and respond in a relaxed matter. Ten years hadn't just passed for Tsuna, but her as well, and he wasn't the only one who had grown more mature (plus Gokudera had been nagging her for the past few weeks that part of becoming a woman is abandoning old "childish habits"— essentially he told her to start talking in first person like a "normal grown woman" does).

"It's really no problem. Tsuna-kun. Har— eer I—," she corrected herself before referring to herself in third person again. "—Don't want to be a burden to you guys, who are keeping us all safe and fighting for us to stay together as a group and as friends. I'd be willing to help you guys anytime." She smiled. "Is that all you've called me in her for, Tsuna-kun?"

The Vongola boss awkwardly scratched the back of his hair. "Actually, I was… going to ask you if you were… willing to do something."

"Sure, anything for you Tsuna-kun."

"Not just for me, but for… everyone. For the Family."

"What do you mean desu?"

Tsuna sighed. "The Marcini Family is threatening to break our alliance. It would be quite dangerous at this point to lose them as an ally, and thankfully they finally agreed to remain in our alliance as long as we fulfill one condition."

Haru tilted her head slightly in confusion. "What does that have to do with me?"

"The boss of the Marcini Family is getting old, Haru. He only has one heir: his only son. Before he steps down, he wants his son to be in good hands, and he wants to secure a bright and strong future for his Family."

The gears in Haru's head were at work, and suddenly the dots started to connect.

"You want me to get married?"

* * *

He looked up from his papers and put the pen behind his ear. "Marriage? The boss asked you to get married? And in a week's time?"

The brunette nodded to confirm, and placed the coffee mug on his desk, careful not to spill any. She offered him creamer, sugar, and the like, but he politely refused. He liked his coffee black, in contrast to Haru's personal preferences.

"Thank you." He said, and took a small sip of coffee. Haru felt that he looked sophisticated somehow, which was weird because he's just drinking, but somehow he made it look that way. Perhaps it was his glasses, or the fact that his grey hair was in a messy ponytail, as it usually was when he was doing work. "Why can't Chrome do it?" He seemed to be fairly irritated with this subject.

"Because the Cloud Guardian would bite the groom and his family to death." Gokudera's mouth formed a small 'o' for a moment. He had forgotten that Chrome and Hibari were together. It was as if they kept their relationship under tight wraps— not that Gokudera thought that was a bad thing at all— but if you observed them at any point in time you wouldn't be able to tell they were an item. You would think that a boyfriend would at make clear when he met new people that the small, delicate indigo-haired mist guardian was indeed taken when introductions were due.

"Did you even think this over? You know what marriage means, right?" He asked her, then pushed up his glasses as they were sliding a little bit down his nose.

"Of course I do. I'm not stupid." She took her seat in her favorite place in his office (maybe even the whole world): the big and red Italian loveseat. She crossed her arms.

"I never said you were, Haru. I'm simply stating that marriage is a life commitment, and regardless of whether or not it's for 'business' or whatever it may be, whoever you say your marriage vows to should be someone that you truly love; someone that you're willing to spend the rest of your life with." He took another sip of the black in his mug.

"That's potentially the most romantic thing I've ever heard come from your mouth Gokudera-san," she said with a smirk. She returned to the topic at hand. "But I can't refuse Tsuna-kun."

"Why? Because you used to love him?" Haru couldn't help but feel that there was subtle anger in his voice, but she figured she was just hearing things and she paid it little mind.

"No, Gokudera. Because he's the boss."

"You're not even a guardian, you're not obligated to listen to him."

As much as Haru desired to make a witty comment and quickly snap back at him, her twenty-four year old mind stopped her. Wait, was he was telling her to disobey Tsuna? That wasn't like him at all. Gokudera strictly obeyed everything Tsuna would ask, sternly instructed others to do the same, and would be enraged if folks did otherwise. It was as if everything Tsuna said was the law, and Gokudera was the police officer to guarantee that it would not be broken by anyone. Haru broke the silence after a short awkward pause.

"If you were in my position, would you refuse the tenth generation Vongola boss?" She questioned.

"That's different, because I for one, am a Guardian, unlike yo—"

Haru cut him off, and repeated herself. Her tone was different the second time: sharp and cold. "If you were in my position Gokudera, would you refuse?"

He didn't have an answer for her. He simply heard her mutter the word "exactly", and watched her stand up to make her way for the door. That seven letter word hit his ears like the loud 'pang' of a drum symbol. It was like a goodbye but not; it felt like one but it wasn't one. By the time he realized that he wanted to follow her and prevent her from leaving, she was already gone, and so was the scent of her strawberry shampoo. The brunette didn't understand why she wanted to leave the room; she just did, because it slowly began to hurt more and more just being in there as the conversation progressed, so she left, and that was that. Her eyes began to water, like rain clouds causing a light drizzle. But in a matter of time, it began to rain, and rain, and rain, and the worst part was that she didn't really know why.

* * *

The Storm Guardian was left alone in his room again. He stood up with a sigh and moved the window's silk curtains to the side. He opened up the window, allowing the night breeze to slip into the room. He lit a cigarette. Her presence was something to be desired and he knew it. She made those tiring, late nights bearable, and knowing that someone was actually willing to stay with him overnight at the office was... weird. But a good kind of weird. A kind of weird that would make him much prefer her to be keeping him company rather than not. He'd probably be willing to do four times the amount of paperwork he had now if that meant she'd be in the room and everything would be going like it has for the past few weeks. It seemed that everything from then on was going to fade back to monochrome again, because the one color he saw in his daily life was leaving, and that was probably the last night he was going to talk to her again so comfortably, so casually, and just… so honest. Because ever since the first day she walked into his office unnoticed and made him a warm cup of coffee, things had unexpectedly changed— and he meant that in the best way.


End file.
